What's So Bad About Being Emotional, Anyway?

Girls seem more likely to get tagged with that one, it seems.  Maybe girls are more comfortable with expressing how they feel, or maybe it’s because societal norms teach boys that it’s not “cool” or manly to show emotion – unless it’s in the context of a monumental victory or some crushing defeat.  Somehow, we’ve equated emotions, particularly the uncomfortable ones, with weakness.  Apparently, it would be better for us all to go throughout our day with a steely poker face.  For fear of what?  That we’d somehow reveal our humanity, or possibly offend someone who’s not in the same frame of mind? 

Sure, no one likes to hang around a down-in-the-dumps sad sack, or someone who’s constantly cheerleading.  Like the weather, our moods change.  And from what I hear tell, the many mood swings of girls not much older than ours are quite the sight to behold. (wink, wink.)  I’m not there yet with my Girl (or girls!), but believe it to be completely normal for them to have mood and emotional swings as they learn to navigate how they’ll handle their more complex lives.

At this age, some of our Girls have difficulty understanding the difference between a feeling or emotion and a physical condition, like sleepiness or hunger.  They do, however, get the idea that it’s easier – or more comfortable – to express emotions like happiness or anger, than fear or loneliness.  That’s understandable.  We don’t really want to feel those types of emotions anyway.  That doesn’t make them “bad”.  It just makes them more difficult or uncomfortable to express.  And that’s fine, too.  What’s not OK, is keeping those feelings bottled-up inside and being unwilling or uncertain as to how to show how we feel.  There’s no catch-all answer or easy fix for that, and some instances and the emotions they create may require professional help.  But providing a non-judgmental, safe sounding board for our Girls will at the very least give them a place to practice the very healthy habit of letting their emotions take their natural course.  Just listen...

I like bacon, too, but...

I’ve preached it over and over to my kids.  It’s one of our three “house rules”.  Never miss the opportunity to say thank you.  I’m certain they get it on a mechanical level, at least.  Someone hands you something, whether it’s breakfast, a birthday present or what have you; you respond accordingly with a polite, “thank you.”  Understanding what it means to actually be thankful, that’s another story all together!

Gratitude and thankfulness are concepts that go further than just saying the words.  And they go way beyond the idea of just “liking” something. Such as bacon, which seems to be something this group is quite fond of… Not surprising, bacon was indeed one of the things for which our Girls said they were “grateful” – or at least the response that got the most cheers.  However, I couldn’t have imagined what a set-up line this would actually turn out to be for today’s lesson!  Once the crowd settled, I turned to one of our “veteran” members for her take on the difference.  What I got was perfect:

“I like bacon, but I’m grateful that someone’s provided me with this food.” 

I love these Girls!  Too often we don’t give young people credit for what they know and can teach each other.  Or what they can teach us.  Personally, I don’t eat bacon any longer.  But as a grown-up I do appreciate - and am indeed grateful for - the effort it takes to even get the food in the house, much less on the table. 

Gratitude is a character trait that’s earned, rather than learned.  Allow your Girl to “earn her keep”, so to speak, or work for something she wants, no matter how small it might be.  Let them pack their lunch, do some laundry, or another generally thankless task.  Gaining the appreciation of what it takes to “earn” will go a long way toward their understanding of what it really means to be grateful.

(Oh, and the other house rules: Never pass up free food, or the chance to go to the bathroom.  Just in case you were wondering!)

Our Grass is Pretty Green, too

Saw this the other day and couldn't resist. Why do we do this to ourselves, anyway? I've come to realize, as both a parent and a coach, that our GOTR get-togethers are often times a microcosm of how we interact with ourselves and each other.  Admittedly, it’s not always easy to be our own biggest fan.  It seems there’s always someone out there who’s got better grades, nicer shoes, a fancier car or a better job.  But no one is great – or even good – at everything.  Heck, I’ll bet Einstein couldn’t cook and J. K. Rowling probably can’t hit a curve ball.  And despite their places in history and general awesomely-awesomeness, there were likely many low points along the way.  But had they not been willing to listen to their own inner cheerleader, they’d likely not have reached their potential. 

 

This past week the Girls learned about positive self-talk. Self-talk is generated from that other little voice inside us that tells us what to think or say about ourselves. The Girls know full well what it means to trash-talk themselves.  But it’s harder to verbalize, and maybe a little more embarrassing, than you might think.  But we could all agree we’ve taken some messages to heart when we’ve heard friends, TV, movies or magazines say we don’t measure up.  Believing we’re better than that is also tough to do.  We’re taught early on that no one likes a bragger, so we’re reluctant to call attention to our success and our own personal awesomeness.  In fact, many of us don't know how to properly accept a compliment without countering with a quick, "oh, it was nothing." That’s too bad.  We hear and see so much from the outside trying to convince us otherwise, it doesn’t seem right we should be diluting the antidote to that kind of poison.  I’m not suggesting we turn tail on good sportsmanship for the sake of salvaging our own egos, but rather that we be willing to accept the fact that we’re all good – maybe even great – at something, and that’s worth celebrating.  Even out loud.

Choosing to be a Girl on the Run

Parents and Friends,
This is one of my favorite lessons, particularly since I know the back story on most of our Girls and their desire to be here – regardless of the early hour!  (Hey, we can’t all be morning people.)  With just 10 or 12 short weeks together, there’s not a lot of time for us to mess around with keeping our “cool” face on for long!  The sooner we’re all open and honest with each other, the more receptive we will be to letting the Girls on the Run messages take hold. 

Our Girls may think that most choices are made for them: where and when they’ll go to school, what they’ll eat, when they’ll go to sleep, what activities and clubs they’ll be a part of, etc.  But ultimately, the decision to participate rests with them.  Sure, you can get them to school building on time, but the rest is up to them.  Same applies here with Girls on the Run.  Whether the decision to register was theirs, yours, or one made together, it’s up to the Girls to choose to participate.  The Girls have that power, whether they realize it or not!  Do they really just want to “check the box” on Tuesday and Thursday morning?  Probably not!  Ask your Girl what makes this time special for them and remind them that choosing to be a Girl on the Run goes way beyond just showing up!

FYI: Coach Bernadette pointed this one out… When the latest group of 4^th and 5^th graders were inducted into our school’s chapter of the National Elementary Honor Society, a whopping 5 of our current Girls on the Run were in that select group!  I think that says quite a bit about the character of the Girls in our program. Way to go, Girls!